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I am a man. A manly man. A manly man with many inner spiritually enhanced qualities.
For example, I have been known to have a complete normal addiction to computers which has lead me to believe in the Linus Torvalds.
On top of this, I like wearing glasses, a lightning bolt scar and generally, a fez.
Finally there is my hair. I possess a dark luxuriance of moderate quantity, which tends to have a appealing effect.
Martian Star Date: Libra 2X
Location of Subject: Earth, Sector ZZ9 Plural Z Alpha
Date of Observation in Local Ages: Monday September 16th
Time of Observation: Sigma 13.52
Humans are a suboptimal class of the Base Animélia, known by the subject as Animal. Anatomical distinctions include 2 visible light sensitive inputs, as well as double oscillating vibration sensors. An exo-covering of ultraviolet-sensitive tissue is also existent.
Adolescent humans have been shown to harvest types of energy (namely Pizza Energy, Burger Radiation type Chicken and Chocolate of the Cadbury’s Spectrum) from feeding points named McDonalds, Subway, Burger King & KFC.
The feminine variation tend to wear exactly the same coverings as each other, in a bid to obtain the social status of Fashionable. Upon failure to achieve this great position in the hierarchy, I can only presume that females enter their dwellings and listen to highly irritable and unbelievably horrible sounds labeled ‘One D’ and ‘Just-Entered Beaver’.
In the matter of dwellings, the subject confines oneself to pathetic containers called ‘Houses’. These are not unlike the Martian caves used 25 million years ago by our ancestors – both exhibit environmentally damaging properties, as well as a certain primitive quality which is particularly shown by the bad heat conservation and terrible protection against storms, flooding, earthquakes, volcanic eruptions, tsunamis and specifically Giant Monkeys.
Masculine Adolescents traverse in a form known as Swag, with communication consisting of low-end vocabulary and the use of the word ‘like’ as a structural imposition. Here follows an example of a conversation between two such subjects:
Male 1: “Yo dude, whats up?”
Male 2: “I totally, like, got that 16 kill streak like yesterday”
Male 1 “LIke, no you didn’t, that was like Bob”
Humans often conduct many rituals, many of which have sacrificial components. The objective of the ritual of Tweeting is to gain a type of spiritual energy known as a Follower. However, the Subject sacrifices his/her ability to maintain dialogue longer than 140 characters, which has proven to have dire consequences – one Subject had to detach himself from the ritual in order to perform a Status Update of the Great Facebook, as his thoughts could not be contained within the 140 limit.
Upon review, it is clear that the Subject has the potential to destroy our civilisation. [In particular, see the previous, pitiful, attempts at communication]
I also believe the humans have a secret weapon, which they refer to under the codename of LOL. As of now, it is unclear the implications of this.
Status: Impending Doom, Destruction and Complete Annihilation.
“Nothing could upset me today! Rejoice…Even Muggles like yourself should be celebrating, this happy,
~J.K. Rowling, Harry Potter and the Philosopher’s Stone
Indeed, the news of a film based in the Wizarding World upon Newt Scamander has made me so excited that I now routinely yell ‘THERE ARE MORE’ across the school grounds before crashing into bushes/fences/walls.
Amidst this great joy there lies another great joy, that of the fact that Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them (as it will be known) is not based off a book. What this means is that I will not have the oppurtunity to criticize Warner Bros for being idiots and not following the books.
What I will be able to do is encounter Luna Lovegood’s husband’s Grandfather, see Wizarding communities all over the world, and possibly/probably come across Dumbledore’s Great Duel with Grindelward. And since this is written by J.K. Rowling herself, we know it will most likely be awesome.
Let the screaming (of happiness) begin.
IT IZ TRUE PEEPS.
This iz yet anotha iPhone 5z internetty writing thingy.
Because the for the first time since ever, the iPhone 5s is an Apple phone I **really** want. A screen thats just the right size, a hard core **64 bit** processor and other cool stuff like that fingerprint scanner which is one of the most accurate in the world (even though it will fall apart if you burn your finger while making tea) *and even Champagny, Spacey Timey Whimey Grey and a Silver colours!* I mean, have you even *seen* that gold colour backing?! Not to mention that beautiful home button!
What this means is that I will, infact, seriously, willingly, in my own mind…not be buying the iPhone 5s, even if I had a million dollars.
Basically, its not about the looks. Its not about the hardware. Its about the personality.
I don’t want to have Apple’s closed platform clinging on to me, and I dont want to have restrictions about things I do. I want to root, I want to get Cyanogen Mod, I want to have it the way I want it.
Its all about me in the end, andz mez dont gonna be trendy by having an iPhone and uzing txt talk and bad grammar evrywhere, Ima be trendy by being me.
And lets not even go into how hideous iOS 7 is.
I am now able to have a minute idea of what people talk about. All thanks to people reposting from Facebook to Google+.
So, for sacrificing your own common sense (along with internet space) to help others gain knoweledge, thank you reposters.
Building the ultimate car for all humanity.
“To start off, we’ll put an AI on the GNU/Linux kernel”
“Now we’ll put it in a car”
“Next we give it GPS access, voice recognition and internet”
[Gasps of amazement]
“And now, the driver will be able to order a Pizza on the way to home!”